Sir, — A practical joke has been been done to me
Within the burgh of Dundee,
Which I consider to be a sin,
To present me with a stick ornamented with tin.
Which they said was silver-plated,
But they will find I’m not to be cheated;
Because I’ve found it is only tin.
And at them I’m resolved to laugh and grin.
Because it will never be used by me;
The reason why?— Because it’s a disgrace to Dundee;
And, as for the purse, it’s a shame to be seen
Near by Dundee and the Magdalen Green.
And the contents therein was but small —
Five shillings and fourpence, that is all;
Which didn’t pay me for one recitation.
Which is a disgrace to the nation.
And in conclusion I will say
I will remember such treatment for many a day,
And he is unworthy to be called brother
That would try to wound the feelings of another.
Notes
This poem was published (untitled) in the Evening Telegraph on 24th March 1893. It complains of his treatment at a rowdy meeting held two days earlier.
Oh dear. Still, I guess we can sympathise with the people who booked him. And five and fourpence – or indeed any reward – is surely enough for someone of such “talent”!