Among the great poet’s favourite moralising themes are the evil effects of the demon drink – as you can easily see by entering something like “drink” or “temperance” in the search box of our esteemed webmaster’s homepage above. There you will find numerous examples; prepare to be a better man!

Although Stephen could perhaps have included a reference to our old friend the Storm Fiend, as in:

‘The Storm Fiend doth bray (or so it sometimes seems),
when you open the throttle of the motorcycle of your dreams.’

Doesn’t scan at all, so that’s definitely a point in its favour.

Oh Robert Rasciauskas what is the translation word for ‘shit’?
Are you perchance from Europe, the Lithuanian bit?
Or maybe your forebears from that poor land did come,
To escape their poor lives which were very humdrum.

You have come a long way since those far off days bleak and drear,
When your ancestors made their way over here.
Their poor broken English you have put in the past.
With your knowledge of syntax, grammar and vocabulary so vast.

So now we have a Lithuanian Anglo Saxon as well
The last of which upon you let your mind overdwell
But at much as you struggle and however you might.
You should never use words that rhyme with might.

To be a true and loyal subject of Her Gracious Majesty the Queen
You should refrain from and never give in to venting your spleen.
A straight back and stiff upper lip is what is required here,
Understatement is better than expletives so clear.

So come Robert Rasciauskas, we can tell by your handle
That to true sons of our soil you can’t hold a candle
But what’s in a name? I don’t really know.
But if you use words like that you must be a cazzo.

Anyway, it would be no worse a mistake than the faux pas committed by fellow poet Robert Browning on one infamous occasion.